well good morning.... a sneak peak at our bedroom... finally finding and purging everything... trying to make a penthouse (top floor of apartment - our julia moment)a little like home. raining again today! :( i think after the whole apartment thing after the fire made me thankful for my home. so knowing im right back in one is well sad. i know i should be blessed that i have a roof over my head and cool when its hot and warm when its cold... but i miss my house (more to come on that later) after moving in to apartment i was not working so most of my time was getting tucker to school and activities... and working on the house. we tried to do as much of the work ourselves. it was very apprent that we would not have enough money to get everything done... so it was time to get the BIG stuff done and save for the little things. rebuilding a home in the winter monthes NOT FUN - we had one heater for the whole house (furnace damaged in fire) so it was lots of layers and very cold. it was a this time when everything started to fall apart... i learned of lies, addiction, more lies and deciet. we move to november still working on the house... very slow process! i also found a lump in my breast and kept it to myself. (more on that later) one day while at the apartment i got the phone call - i had been praying for one of my brothers (who are both married) to get pregnant. well the first was my baby brother jerod and his wife denae they were having twin boys. SO EXCITED! due in march. well the phone call was letting us know denae had gone in to labor and was having the boys early. how quick can you drop everything and get from fort smith to topeka kansas - me FAST. by time we got there the boys had arrived. merrick ryan and teagan matthew so precious and very little. we could not hold them or even touch them. we just told them we loved them and prayed over them. this was the first time in my life i was truely angry at God. denae had done everything right took care of herself, ate right, went to doctors appointments. WHY?? i dont think i have ever prayed to hard and cried so much. i loved them and they needed to know, i needed to hold them, buy them hotwheels, take them out to get muddy and take them home... please God let them gain weight and stay with us. seeing my brother with his first children was priceless. my heart ached for both of them jerod and denae tried to stay so strong. well God had other plans over the 24 hours God would call one of those precious boys home to be with Him... i was blessed to hold him and kiss him and tell him that i was his aunt and that i loved him so much. denae and jerod gave me the biggest honor i got to do their first family photo with their son. God soon called our other little boy to be with Him... again a mad dash to Topeka in the middle of the night. how does this happen... this is truely my first heartbreak of my life. i do have two precious angels and i talk to them and tell them i love them everyday! frist fall apart moment - i miss them little boys i wonder what they would love baseball, basketball, football, hunting, fishing.... they would be in school by now... my heart still breaks today. i know i will see them again in heaven... that brings me peace for now. well i made it back for day two of the healing... wondering if this will make me feel better to get it all out! see you tomorrow... xoxo le anne

today my chair will sit in the rain... alone! i love these chairs they were a gift from my father in law, while i was going through cancer. he wanted me to be able to sit outside in the sun and fresh air. they need to have some tlc done to them - resand and clear seal again. i sit in them while enjoying my morning coffee and or doing my bible study. im in the process of figuring out me! over the last 6 years i have lost me.... my fun personality, my ability to trust, laugh, and find the good in my life. i debate if i should air my VERY dirty laundry here or in a journal... but then again... not alot of people read this so why not here... wont have to write it twice... RIGHT!?! so i need to get this all out... cheap therapy! if you have read my blog back when i was good at keeping it up you will know that my struggles started in september of 2007 (i will later learn that they started before that, but wont find out till later) september 4, 2007 after saving for a very long time i was about to enjoy a very well deserved girls weekend with april derrick at creative escape (a scrapbooking convention put on by heidi swapp)after driving to little rock to catch our flight early the next morning - we set out to enjoy a great dinner at one of our favorite places pf chanfs = lots of great food and apple tinis. then the phone call came... eric my husband called and told me that someone had called him (he was at cheer practice with our daughter tucker) and said our house was on fire. he told me he was on the way to the house and would keep me updated after he got there. while eric, our insurance agent, and fire department and news crews were at our home trying to save what they could i was four hours away and trying to enjoy myself. after dinner and arriving at our hotel and speaking with eric and dear friend melaine (she worked for our insurance agent) i just knew i could not go on the trip, i must go home. while the decision was tough (i knew april would meet up with our friends that were going to the convention too) eric told me go - there will be nothing you can do for days. i needed to go home. so the next morning with lots of huggs and tears and im sorry... i dropped april off at the airport and began the four hour drive home. an hour in to my drive eric called (i think hoping i would not answer - thinking i had got on the plane) i told him i didnt feel i could go and leave him with everything that was going to happen. he made me promise not to go into the house till he or someone was there to go in with me. how can one person prepare themselves for what i was about to see... simple you cant! memories, family heirlooms, clothes, bedding, everything gone. after the salvage process we were able to save 30% of our personal stuff. where do we go... well for a couple days a hotel then on to an apartment. this is the beginning of healing... i will be back tomorrow for more. love le anne

getting back into the scrapbooking, taking photos, sorting through old photos, and submitting to magazines again. here is one i dont some til back and love! hope everyone is having a great new year.... waiting for the great to start in mine! happy {{love}} month! xoxoxo le anne

good monday morning.... well after a wonderful, refreshing week-end with the girls.... it's back to this crazy thing we call life!!! spent the week-end at camp mitchell high on top of petite jean mountain. normally a beautiful view.... but this week-end it rained the whole time. there was several times during the 4 hour drive i had to pull over because the rain was so bad! but getting there and sharing in good food, laughs, sleeping in (rain), and a good drink.... was the best! while i got nothing done for me, i did get plenty of work done for others. so thanks julie, april, melanie, stacy, becca, regina, dana, diane, cindy for wonderful memories.... yet again! well i did it - i got my email back that JB recieved my entry for her 2012-2013 DT call.... now to wait.... the 26th is the BIG reveal. started a fresh and new bible study with my friend becky, beth moore's "the law of love" looks great. met some of her small group friends and they all are so sweet and very welcoming. to be in a new city where you are lost, and all your friends are 2 hours away.... a bible study and lunch once a week might help me out of my funk. came home to a semi clean house.... eric and tucker tie dyed shirts they are all along the rail of the "bull's penthouse" i will post picture when they dry! she was very proud of herself and very creative with designing each one. "this one is not perfect mom, needs to be fixed" wonder who she gets that from??? needing prayers for our family "miracle" still.... thank-you in advance. well off to tidy up and do some laundry and crafting.... tell someone you love them today! xoxo le anne

good morning sitting here with my coffee trying to get modivated to do some work around the penthouse (aka our top floor apartment... nothing but the best) crazy week with lots of softball games, cheer practice, football games, and homework. tomorrow i will go scrapbook during the day at local store, love the quiet time with out looking around the penthouse and thinking i need to do something. there i just focus on fun and crafting. going to try my hand at trying out for a design team... not that i have any hope of making it... BUT i made this canvas the morning that i saw the dt call and i thought what have i got to loose? so wish me luck! thanks april for you help! next week-end will be a girls get away to the mountain... scrapbooking, good food, crafting, photo taking, smell good fires, and giggles (so go on and tell your lil boyfriend) prep... so need to decide what i will be working on... pictures, packing... so ready for the get away! wont go into personal matters... still need ALOT of prayer and a miracle! much love le anne

{{love}} this precious face... really bad week-end and expecting it to get worse... much love le anne

a couple week-ends ago i was BLESSED by misty, she and i went to the ck convention here in tulsa. was a GREAT time!! i really stopped taking classes several years ago - you just dont get what you pay for anymore... and i am a scrapbook rockstar! ( i do have a shirt that says i am! jk) but last year i could have gone broke in "the button farm" booth! so cute and you DO get your $ worth! i have have attached a picture of the class that misty and i took... LOVE! what is even cooler they are a sweet company in tahlequeh oklahoma. they do a kit club every month that you get a mini album, or decorator piece... and trust me you want to get all of them - even if its not one you will use, it would make a great gift!(Christmas is coming) go look at their web page www.thebuttonfarm.com and enjoy! cool stuff is they have now come up with their own line of stuff "farm house" someone i know will be doing a class... sometime soon (more info to come!) i will be posting something everyday crafty, or something of the bulls life everyday or maybe twice a day (like yesterday) so proud of myself! so today - i will be taking on small parts of my sweet daughters bedroom... to much stuff and some just taking up space! time to purge! today - tell some one you love them and watch their heart smile! xoxo le anne