well good morning.... a sneak peak at our bedroom... finally finding and purging everything... trying to make a penthouse (top floor of apartment - our julia moment)a little like home. raining again today! :( i think after the whole apartment thing after the fire made me thankful for my home. so knowing im right back in one is well sad. i know i should be blessed that i have a roof over my head and cool when its hot and warm when its cold... but i miss my house (more to come on that later) after moving in to apartment i was not working so most of my time was getting tucker to school and activities... and working on the house. we tried to do as much of the work ourselves. it was very apprent that we would not have enough money to get everything done... so it was time to get the BIG stuff done and save for the little things. rebuilding a home in the winter monthes NOT FUN - we had one heater for the whole house (furnace damaged in fire) so it was lots of layers and very cold. it was a this time when everything started to fall apart... i learned of lies, addiction, more lies and deciet. we move to november still working on the house... very slow process! i also found a lump in my breast and kept it to myself. (more on that later) one day while at the apartment i got the phone call - i had been praying for one of my brothers (who are both married) to get pregnant. well the first was my baby brother jerod and his wife denae they were having twin boys. SO EXCITED! due in march. well the phone call was letting us know denae had gone in to labor and was having the boys early. how quick can you drop everything and get from fort smith to topeka kansas - me FAST. by time we got there the boys had arrived. merrick ryan and teagan matthew so precious and very little. we could not hold them or even touch them. we just told them we loved them and prayed over them. this was the first time in my life i was truely angry at God. denae had done everything right took care of herself, ate right, went to doctors appointments. WHY?? i dont think i have ever prayed to hard and cried so much. i loved them and they needed to know, i needed to hold them, buy them hotwheels, take them out to get muddy and take them home... please God let them gain weight and stay with us. seeing my brother with his first children was priceless. my heart ached for both of them jerod and denae tried to stay so strong. well God had other plans over the 24 hours God would call one of those precious boys home to be with Him... i was blessed to hold him and kiss him and tell him that i was his aunt and that i loved him so much. denae and jerod gave me the biggest honor i got to do their first family photo with their son. God soon called our other little boy to be with Him... again a mad dash to Topeka in the middle of the night. how does this happen... this is truely my first heartbreak of my life. i do have two precious angels and i talk to them and tell them i love them everyday! frist fall apart moment - i miss them little boys i wonder what they would love baseball, basketball, football, hunting, fishing.... they would be in school by now... my heart still breaks today. i know i will see them again in heaven... that brings me peace for now. well i made it back for day two of the healing... wondering if this will make me feel better to get it all out! see you tomorrow... xoxo le anne

today my chair will sit in the rain... alone! i love these chairs they were a gift from my father in law, while i was going through cancer. he wanted me to be able to sit outside in the sun and fresh air. they need to have some tlc done to them - resand and clear seal again. i sit in them while enjoying my morning coffee and or doing my bible study. im in the process of figuring out me! over the last 6 years i have lost me.... my fun personality, my ability to trust, laugh, and find the good in my life. i debate if i should air my VERY dirty laundry here or in a journal... but then again... not alot of people read this so why not here... wont have to write it twice... RIGHT!?! so i need to get this all out... cheap therapy! if you have read my blog back when i was good at keeping it up you will know that my struggles started in september of 2007 (i will later learn that they started before that, but wont find out till later) september 4, 2007 after saving for a very long time i was about to enjoy a very well deserved girls weekend with april derrick at creative escape (a scrapbooking convention put on by heidi swapp)after driving to little rock to catch our flight early the next morning - we set out to enjoy a great dinner at one of our favorite places pf chanfs = lots of great food and apple tinis. then the phone call came... eric my husband called and told me that someone had called him (he was at cheer practice with our daughter tucker) and said our house was on fire. he told me he was on the way to the house and would keep me updated after he got there. while eric, our insurance agent, and fire department and news crews were at our home trying to save what they could i was four hours away and trying to enjoy myself. after dinner and arriving at our hotel and speaking with eric and dear friend melaine (she worked for our insurance agent) i just knew i could not go on the trip, i must go home. while the decision was tough (i knew april would meet up with our friends that were going to the convention too) eric told me go - there will be nothing you can do for days. i needed to go home. so the next morning with lots of huggs and tears and im sorry... i dropped april off at the airport and began the four hour drive home. an hour in to my drive eric called (i think hoping i would not answer - thinking i had got on the plane) i told him i didnt feel i could go and leave him with everything that was going to happen. he made me promise not to go into the house till he or someone was there to go in with me. how can one person prepare themselves for what i was about to see... simple you cant! memories, family heirlooms, clothes, bedding, everything gone. after the salvage process we were able to save 30% of our personal stuff. where do we go... well for a couple days a hotel then on to an apartment. this is the beginning of healing... i will be back tomorrow for more. love le anne

getting back into the scrapbooking, taking photos, sorting through old photos, and submitting to magazines again. here is one i dont some til back and love! hope everyone is having a great new year.... waiting for the great to start in mine! happy {{love}} month! xoxoxo le anne

good monday morning.... well after a wonderful, refreshing week-end with the girls.... it's back to this crazy thing we call life!!! spent the week-end at camp mitchell high on top of petite jean mountain. normally a beautiful view.... but this week-end it rained the whole time. there was several times during the 4 hour drive i had to pull over because the rain was so bad! but getting there and sharing in good food, laughs, sleeping in (rain), and a good drink.... was the best! while i got nothing done for me, i did get plenty of work done for others. so thanks julie, april, melanie, stacy, becca, regina, dana, diane, cindy for wonderful memories.... yet again! well i did it - i got my email back that JB recieved my entry for her 2012-2013 DT call.... now to wait.... the 26th is the BIG reveal. started a fresh and new bible study with my friend becky, beth moore's "the law of love" looks great. met some of her small group friends and they all are so sweet and very welcoming. to be in a new city where you are lost, and all your friends are 2 hours away.... a bible study and lunch once a week might help me out of my funk. came home to a semi clean house.... eric and tucker tie dyed shirts they are all along the rail of the "bull's penthouse" i will post picture when they dry! she was very proud of herself and very creative with designing each one. "this one is not perfect mom, needs to be fixed" wonder who she gets that from??? needing prayers for our family "miracle" still.... thank-you in advance. well off to tidy up and do some laundry and crafting.... tell someone you love them today! xoxo le anne

good morning sitting here with my coffee trying to get modivated to do some work around the penthouse (aka our top floor apartment... nothing but the best) crazy week with lots of softball games, cheer practice, football games, and homework. tomorrow i will go scrapbook during the day at local store, love the quiet time with out looking around the penthouse and thinking i need to do something. there i just focus on fun and crafting. going to try my hand at trying out for a design team... not that i have any hope of making it... BUT i made this canvas the morning that i saw the dt call and i thought what have i got to loose? so wish me luck! thanks april for you help! next week-end will be a girls get away to the mountain... scrapbooking, good food, crafting, photo taking, smell good fires, and giggles (so go on and tell your lil boyfriend) prep... so need to decide what i will be working on... pictures, packing... so ready for the get away! wont go into personal matters... still need ALOT of prayer and a miracle! much love le anne

{{love}} this precious face... really bad week-end and expecting it to get worse... much love le anne

a couple week-ends ago i was BLESSED by misty, she and i went to the ck convention here in tulsa. was a GREAT time!! i really stopped taking classes several years ago - you just dont get what you pay for anymore... and i am a scrapbook rockstar! ( i do have a shirt that says i am! jk) but last year i could have gone broke in "the button farm" booth! so cute and you DO get your $ worth! i have have attached a picture of the class that misty and i took... LOVE! what is even cooler they are a sweet company in tahlequeh oklahoma. they do a kit club every month that you get a mini album, or decorator piece... and trust me you want to get all of them - even if its not one you will use, it would make a great gift!(Christmas is coming) go look at their web page www.thebuttonfarm.com and enjoy! cool stuff is they have now come up with their own line of stuff "farm house" someone i know will be doing a class... sometime soon (more info to come!) i will be posting something everyday crafty, or something of the bulls life everyday or maybe twice a day (like yesterday) so proud of myself! so today - i will be taking on small parts of my sweet daughters bedroom... to much stuff and some just taking up space! time to purge! today - tell some one you love them and watch their heart smile! xoxo le anne

2- of my recent layouts (i do 8-1/2 x 11)have had these pictures of my dear, sweet friends april and julie for a couple years and was scared to scrap them... i am now a collector of the small 6 x 6 or 8 x 8 paper pads (thanks julie) love the variety and minimal cutting. well banners are HUGE, and butterflies too! these layouts simple but yet show off the photos. for those of you who don't know, i have lost use of my right hand (my writing hand) so NO more pretty handwriting for me. so type a short note and put on the back of my layouts. now its just a simple titlel and cuteness of paper and embellishments! going to try to make it to one of two crops this week-end! (of course not while the hogs and jayhawks play football) depends if i want to drive or stay local! $ big factor! but look out in two weeks i will be heading to the mountain (petite jean) with these two girls and some other GREAT friends. good fun, lots of laughs, scrapbooking, and an expensive fire if stacy is there! (long story!) dryer BZZZZZZ must run see you soon <3 and <3 alot!!! le anne

well here we go...a fresh start! not yet... a long or short update... my sweet baby girl has turned 13, we have moved to t-town (Tulsa, a new school, church, cheer gym, back to apartment living, and lots of emotions that are hard to express. if you would have asked about my "fresh start" (moving to Tulsa) a year ago you would have found me a little more excited back then. now that it has happned not so excited. i will say the best thing about our move is our new church www.churchonthemove.com and our new school www.lincolnchristianschool.com tucker has been welcomed in to school as a member of the junior high cheer squad and middle school softball team. teachers AMAZING!!! the end! top notch and you feel the love and presence of the Lord when you walk in any building and at any sporting event for that matter. blessed to be a LCS Bulldog. we do miss our home, i cry daily for my house (which needs to sell BADLY) my sweet morning coffee friends, ihop after football games friends, my scrapbooking buddies and on and on. the financial strain on our family is HUGE! and with that brings stress and quick to anger... or in my case LOOSE it! i hope to keep this blog up, i took the time the other night and read all the way from the beginning to current... it was neat to see where i was and where i have gone and going. so follow me and i hope to bring you some neat sayings, scrapbooking ideas, and everyday living as a bull! live it and <3 it! le anne

here i am! going to try to keep up with my blog! so wish me luck!
what's new...
packing, moving to tulsa, and alot of drama recently!
just got back from "all things crafty" retreat was a wonderful, and relaxing time. got alot done and was really great to spend time with everyone.
off to watch me some MARCH MADNESS!
Go Jayhawks!!

xoxo

people who judge people for someone elses actions... is STUPID!

dreams fade.... then they disappear!

well hard to believe 2 years ago today is when my fight began against cancer, alot has happened in those 2 years. some good, some bad, some life changing and some life altering. i say thank-you to those you have been with me through the journey from being diagnosed, to the first surgery, to chemo, to loosing my hair, to getting fatter, (and with fatter - sassy) i love you all! i remain cancer free, by the grace of God and His strips i have been healed!
xoxoxo
le anne

happy valenitnes day!

good afternoon to all ( 5 of ya!) wink wink

been very crazy in my life (not that that EVER changes)
but i would really like to take a step back and redo, and change priorities! i think mine are really messed up!
i want to spend so much time with tb - it hit me the other day she only has 8 more years at home with me. 8 years what? i just love her so... i have be striving to be a better mother to her. but what about me, i really need some me time! i so misss scrapbooking and taking pictures of her and have something to journal about. i think since the fire and loosing everything why bother, i got her and the memories, but i need to write them down... all of them.
wanted to do bsf so bad, but no time! and i have almost talked myself out of the bible study that starts tomorrow night, no way to get tb to me when basketball ends at 7 and bible study starts at 6:30.
want my house to be nice to have people over, scrapbook, have a girl movie night, ect. NO MONEY! whole diffrent story.
i think im lost! i want to be found... can i slow down or will the guilt of not letting tb have a fun and action packed childhood get to me.
im lost! so i will be better about blogging at least i get my feelings out this way. now that tb has a camera i can attach pictues i will try to share a couple of pictures a week with you.
i hope everyone has a great week...
kisses and love
le anne

well only one more day of work and then being out for 2 weeks i may not sit down at a computer during that time.
so im going to try to do what my dear friend julie does...
no resolutions just goals...
goal #1
take newer pictures of tb
goal #2
start the bsf class and finish the whole year or - best that i can!
goal #3
make my house a "home"
goal #4
eat less - weigh less!

small steps!

i would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! and may all your dreams come true in the year to come.
le anne

good morning world...

well my class went well last night and the ladies seemed to like the class 3 cards and one tag. there was 3 kits left if you would like to let the store know. only $10.00. next one is january 5

well having some struggles right now... try to work through them... plate very full with worries.

have worked alot on the house and getting little projects done... hope to take the christmas break and get some big ones and hopefully ALOT done.

have a busy week-end planned basketball and cheer!

starting to REALLY clean out scrapbook room and hoping to get ready for a sale at mim's in january! lots of fun out with the old and in with the new!

well back to work...
have a blessed day and love someone today!
le anne

the bull girls new hair cuts! (ok couple weeks old though i would share!)

hello world (ok really just the 3 or 4 of you who read this! wink wink
i have a new look - sooooo cute "jaj blog designs" done a great job!
i hope to start post pics - i can do that with a little camera TB got for her birthday. so prepare yourself i might be able to get dangerous!
i will try to post a story of what is going on with my life - soon!
if you will be in van buren tomoroow night - my card class is tomorrow night at Mim's Scrapbook Spot so excited have not taught any classes in so long - ready to get started! wish me luck! kisses

le anne

a girl and her daddy!
back from vacation...
me working and wondering what i will do till saturday till noon.
tb off to church camp 45 minutes ago!
crying le anne

photo lifted from julie amber jones photography....


please pray for this wonderful family "the bumgarners" please pray for their precious new little boy evan andrew. thank you le anne