today my chair will sit in the rain... alone! i love these chairs they were a gift from my father in law, while i was going through cancer. he wanted me to be able to sit outside in the sun and fresh air. they need to have some tlc done to them - resand and clear seal again. i sit in them while enjoying my morning coffee and or doing my bible study. im in the process of figuring out me! over the last 6 years i have lost me.... my fun personality, my ability to trust, laugh, and find the good in my life. i debate if i should air my VERY dirty laundry here or in a journal... but then again... not alot of people read this so why not here... wont have to write it twice... RIGHT!?! so i need to get this all out... cheap therapy! if you have read my blog back when i was good at keeping it up you will know that my struggles started in september of 2007 (i will later learn that they started before that, but wont find out till later) september 4, 2007 after saving for a very long time i was about to enjoy a very well deserved girls weekend with april derrick at creative escape (a scrapbooking convention put on by heidi swapp)after driving to little rock to catch our flight early the next morning - we set out to enjoy a great dinner at one of our favorite places pf chanfs = lots of great food and apple tinis. then the phone call came... eric my husband called and told me that someone had called him (he was at cheer practice with our daughter tucker) and said our house was on fire. he told me he was on the way to the house and would keep me updated after he got there. while eric, our insurance agent, and fire department and news crews were at our home trying to save what they could i was four hours away and trying to enjoy myself. after dinner and arriving at our hotel and speaking with eric and dear friend melaine (she worked for our insurance agent) i just knew i could not go on the trip, i must go home. while the decision was tough (i knew april would meet up with our friends that were going to the convention too) eric told me go - there will be nothing you can do for days. i needed to go home. so the next morning with lots of huggs and tears and im sorry... i dropped april off at the airport and began the four hour drive home. an hour in to my drive eric called (i think hoping i would not answer - thinking i had got on the plane) i told him i didnt feel i could go and leave him with everything that was going to happen. he made me promise not to go into the house till he or someone was there to go in with me. how can one person prepare themselves for what i was about to see... simple you cant! memories, family heirlooms, clothes, bedding, everything gone. after the salvage process we were able to save 30% of our personal stuff. where do we go... well for a couple days a hotel then on to an apartment. this is the beginning of healing... i will be back tomorrow for more. love le anne